Thanks a ton for your recommendation; I will put it to good use. It's helped more people than I originally believed it would, and that's a wonderful feeling for me. I have a wife children grandchildren and a good like except for the pain I feel for loving someone else.
She was devastatingly attractive, fabulous body witty, flirty and intelligent. Several male teachers at the school were in love with her and she always surrounded by men even though she wore clothes to make herself unattractive.
She became interested in the work I was doing in the classroom and arranged to get the classroom next to mine. She slowly befriended me and we started hanging out. The woman is 29 years younger than I am so I thought there would be no problems. We became working colleagues and she was so much fun to be with. We went to conferences together where we presented.
Every time men, other teachers, would fall for her and come pleading to me for more information on her. I started falling in love with her.
Something I did not want. She told me she was transferring schools, I was crushed but I knew it was for the best. We spent that summer together going and presenting at conferences and grew closer. When summer was over I told her we would probably not be seeing each other again. I told her I loved her deeply and because of our age difference and marital status, we were both married, we should not see each other.
She said she loved me but not in a romantic sense, more like her dad and anyway she knew I would never leave my wife. I asked her not to contact me again, painful to ask that, and she got mad saying I was her best friend and if I was having these feelings for her I should get a therapist and not tell her.
She was very angry but I pleaded with her not to contact me. That lasted two weeks and then she called me asking if I was OK and would I like to hang out with her again. Like a weak fool I said yes and we started up again there was nothing sexual or romantic for her but I was deeply in love with her. Her husband wanted to know why she was hanging around with a 57 years old guy, she was 28 and my wife was upset as well.
I had been a long distance runner and had many female running partners which my wife accepted. This was different. She suggested we start a business together so we would have an excuse to hang out together. We did, working with ideas I had created in the classroom. The business took off a bit and we started working together after I retired and she quit to start a family.
Many times she would come to work at my house in a short revealing skirt and tight blouse, cautioning me not to stare at her. This went on for years until we stopped working on a schedule as we could afford to have others do some of the work. I ended up doing most of the business which led to some resentment but I got mostly mad at not seeing her on a regular schedule.
I did try and break it off several times but she truly loved me in a not sexual romantic way, more like a parent. With her growing family there was little time for me which was fine as not seeing her cooled the passion but she would always come back and we did have the business.
The business declined steeply in the recession and there was little reason for us to work together. She would always make plans for us to see each other, we both like physical activity, go for walks or work out in the gym together but I was usually brushed aside for a new girlfriend or someone else.
Hello anon, I'm deeply sorry to hear about your limerence. That sounds like a rough gig. She sounds like dynamite. Sure, I can understand her original irritation about you confessing your feelings for her, but despite whatever romantic feelings are there, you're still friends, and friends support each other.
Outwardly, to me, it sounds like she enjoys having the attention of males. She knows how you feel about her, and to wear tantalizing clothes around you is either disregard or being oblivious. And it has to be disregard because she told you not to stare at her. If she really didn't want you to stare at her, she would've wore more conservative clothes. At least that's how I interpret it.
Now you being brushed aside could be because she no longer finds a thrill in having your attention. That could be caused either by maturing more, or perhaps finding a new thrill elsewhere. Either way, it's painful and I'm sorry because there's no way to really change that. You said you like physical activity. Maybe you could start doing that with your wife, or maybe kids more often. Hobbies are always a great healing method. Hi, You are just awesome. This article is the best I have read, you have done a great job!
I never new a 17 year old can understand these complex things! I need your help. How can I contact you, I cant post it here because its personal. My name is Ali. Hi Ali, Thank you for taking time to comment. If you want a more private contact method, you can email me at: bnthaw hotmail. You have it nailed on the head here. Great post. Thank you for taking your time to make it. It really helped me understand limerence more.
And I say thank you for taking time to comment here. I'm happy I was able to assist in your understanding of limerence. You are awesome!!! I thin you did an amazing job! I know what you mean by people not understanding, thats why I never ever say anything. People just don't undertand, I dont understand; I just feel. I had a bad limerence experience for four years and it was horrible. After a year of no contact it faded.
Now I have another one and it sucks, but this person is actually a good friend. You just described everything so perfectly like i thought i was the only one that played the 'reward game'! Im going through a lot even though I just turned Because limerence is sweet nothing, nothings happening yet that;s what youre living on. I just wish I wouldn't feel this pain, this erratic love, but this person is perect and I can't stop, without a moment of thinking about it.
I did a lot of research too and sadly there isn't much. I've learned a lot about this as a limerent. Anyway, I just really liked it and if anyone's willing to chat about limerence and limerent experiences just hmu at samuel27colina gmail. Hi Samuel, Thank you so much! Absolutely, limerence is such a complex, conflicting state of mind and not near enough research has been done on it.
That's practically the limerence headquarters and it's a great resource and talking grounds for limerents. Thanks again for your comment and good luck with your limerence.
Thank you Brittany for your wonderful post. I think I have been a subject of limerence myself, so I've been doing some research myself. Thank you very much for that post. I normally never comment as I'm generally quite private, but yours was an eye-opener. I just read the whole thing. It's taken me 33 years to finally find the term for what's pretty much been my 'curse' since I was twelve and I'm amazed at the eery accuracy with which you described this condition - line for line - at your age then of just fifteen.
I have to salute you for that. Every point you made is spot-on, at least from my perspective. It is a VERY real condition; it is debilitating; it takes over your life; you'll over-analyze everything they said or did til you can't tell black from white; and when in that state, you're not just in a 'crush' as my disinterested mother would say with an infuriating shrug , - you're ILL, addicted.
Looking back on it, when it takes over your rationality, it really does feel like a disease. You make a very good point in saying therapy may only give limited help from anyone who has never experienced limerence. Also because the pain, prolonged by years, could be impossible to understand from another party. This in turn may encourage the already frustrated limerent to retreat further instead of seeking help.
Relationship-wise, this is unfortunately the only kind of 'love' I know. I'm a serial limerent; I either go through the cycle again for someone or I feel absolutely nothing.
It's a bitter existence but one which I at least understand as other mental health issues have put limits on my social life, which may be why the cycle is self-sustaining. The only upside is by now I recognize the pattern when it approaches again with its exasperating inevitability, and learned when to stop myself crossing the line again and leave the unfortunate LO alone. Your post was very well written, thorough and coherent. Well done : Thank you, all the very best.
And I have to say, thank you for leaving a comment and telling your experience. A big part of my motivation for this research was having people know that they're not alone in what they're feeling.
Since limerence is pretty obscure, limerents always assume "I'm crazy" or "It's just me that feels this way". And if they do end up telling someone about it as in your case , people will disregard it unless they've gone through it. And that isn't right. At least in my opinion. I agree with your assessment on the therapy aspect. Due once again to the obscurity of limerence, therapists will have trouble treating it, so to say.
There hasn't been nearly enough research gone into it to a point where there's a good treatment for it. It's like treating someone for schizophrenia when they really have dissociative identity disorder. It works to some extent because they're similar, but it's not the right fit. I'm sorry to hear about your serial limerence. It must be really tough. Once again, thank you for commenting and sharing your insight. I developed a very close friendship with a LO over 6 years, despite her and I both being married with children.
We never had a physical relationship at all, to be clear, and both of our families were great friends. Still, I imagined a depth of reciprocity that just wasn't there. I interpreted absolutely everything she did and said as proof that she felt as strongly for me as I did for her.
I confided in her far more than with anyone else, including my wife. Yes I am aware that that is considered an emotional affair. Eventually, I opened up to her directly about my feelings towards her, with the intent of saying goodbye due to the impossibility of any real relationship, and was met with surprise and quickly, contempt.
Since then, I have gone through cycles of intense feelings of despair followed by the belief that my limerence was over. This has been going on for nearly 4 years. I still imagine and dream night after dreadful night that she wants me to once again be close friends, despite my rational belief that she was never as close to me as I imagined or as I was towards her. All I remember about her is that I felt so good around her, even thinking about her, and that good feeling has gone from my life.
All this, despite having a fairly successful marriage, with warmth and physical affection. Great kids, a budding career, high level amateur in sports, healthy eating and sleeping. Taken together, I feel like a parody of health. I love my wife insofar as I do what I can to make her happy, but that feeling, whatever I feel for my wife, is tepid compared to how I felt and in many ways still feel for my LO, imaginary as she was and is.
I may be married my whole life to my wife, a life of mutual support and compassion, and strong eroticism, but nothing as pure and intense as my LO. I have struggled with how to define love, practically and theoretically, since before I was your age. I read and wrote and found myself lost. My wife is aware of my past feelings towards my LO, and intuits my present feeling towards her; as I said, we were all very close friends and it would have been impossible for them to stop talking without an explanation.
We still have mutual friends, which makes life complex. I'm telling this to you because if you do eventually become a therapist, you should know as many specific cases as possible. Perhaps it is common among limerents to feel that actual love, based on mutual respect, support, and attraction, feels tepid and half-hearted compared to the consuming brilliance of limerence.
Good luck in your future endeavors. Hello anon, You've just listed every one of my tips that I would give to a limerent, and I'm crestfallen to see none of them have worked for you. The only thing I'd ever suggest to you is: What does your LO have that you're missing? Maybe you've already asked yourself that, or maybe you haven't found out yet. I don't mean to rub salt in the wound, but it's best to focus on her negativity toward your romantic feelings.
Contempt is a strong response. Both of you have had a close friendship for a long time, and for her to warrant such a contemptuous reaction is Maybe she was angry that you two wouldn't have that close friendship anymore or she didn't want to deal with your feelings for her, but that just proves one thing about her: she's selfish. I'm not sure how adult friendships fully work since I am not a full adult myself, but I can at least say in my friendship experience that close friends shouldn't have that reaction.
Regardless, I'm sorry to hear about your LO. I appreciate you telling me your case, because like you pointed out, it gives me a specific case. It's shown me that I need to re-evaluate my "treatment" methods. Thanks again and best of wishes. A different Anonymous! Your post is really helpful, thanks Brittany!
I just wanted to ask your advice on something, hope you can get back to me! I'm a 21 yr old girl - I've had this limerence for nearly three years, and only a couple of days ago have I seen it for what it really is and started researching limerence.
I have OCD so I should've really figured it out before now - except that unlike my other ocd's it makes me happy, not sad! Anyway, I've already started cutting contact etc as I'm determind to beat this, but I've been thinking over past romances and crushes, and many of them follow a similar pattern to limerence. I'm quite socially anxioous and awkward and not great around guys generally, and its just making me wonder - am I always going to be like this?
Will every relationship just be limerence? I would really hate to live the rest of my life this way, and it makes me feel pretty down to imagine that - do you think theres hope, or am I a permanent limerent? Hope to hear from you, thanks for reading! Hi different anonymous, I wouldn't say you'll always be like that, because people can always change in regards to social anxiety and awkwardness.
However, I can do unfortunately say that you'll definitely be more prone to limerence because of your OCD. Especially because you said that it makes you happy, and not sad like the usual. It's a dangerous and especially tempting combination.
I'd also say that people who experience limerence at least once are always more likely to experience it a second time. If you're in limerence with someone, and you're both single and available, then I always say go for it. I think limerence is unhealthy, but I also think that being in a relationship with LO is a quicker and surer way to get rid of limerence rather than no contact. Limerence wanes once the mystery wanes.
Thanks for reading! Thanks so much for your reply! Sadly the LO is already in a relationship, and has been for a while; but they also like me enough to lead me on, so its a bit of a vicious cycle - with your advice in mind though, I'm going to try harder to be more aware of how my anxiety and OCD affects limerence. My God, what an article, and what a writer. Thank you for the most articulate and accurate account of limerence that I have yet read.
I only recently discovered that there is a condition known as limerence, and have been actively searching out information on it ever since. I am a happily married 40 year old man with 2 young children, and I am limerent this sounds like an admission straight out of Alcoholics Anomymous.
I love my wife deeply, and the limerence, thankfully, diminishes when I am with her. My LO is a work colleague whom I have known for about 5 years. When I first recognised I was developing feelings for her, the thought "Oh no, not her" entered my mind. This was because she is a good and kind person with whom I have had a healthy friendship, and whom I respect greatly for her personality and professional ability.
My experience of my limerence for her is that it has ebbed and flowed over the years. Sometimes it has taken the form of repeated, persistent and long-term detrimental spells, to the extent that I would end the working day depressed and despairing.
This would often exacerbate separate problems that I would have in work which would cause me difficulty in determining what the problem was the positive benefits being that I could honestly explain to my wife that my mood problems were work-related. At other times I could leave work on a high and embark upon productive and creative endeavours during and outside of work, effectively surfing the limerent highs.
For one particular period of several weeks I thought the feelings had gone entirely, and I was able to rekindle a more comfortable and acceptable to me attitude to my LO. But inevitably the limerent feelings returned stronger than ever. It is interesting to see how the feeling is the same no matter whom the LO, and no matter how different those people are. My first experience of limerence I now recognise as being my first feelings for a girl, when I was a 5-year-old starting school I wrote her a valentine card.
I can see now it wasn't just a crush, because the intense feelings lasted until we left for high school at 11 years old. That was also my first experience of how to extinguish a limerence - complete severance. It hurt a lot but the pain passed within days.
I met her again once more many years later, when we were 30, and the limerence returned ferociously. Thankfully we didn't meet again and it died out again within a few weeks, after she stopped replying to my texts. I think that virtually every girl that I have believed I've been in love with has actually been an LO - and there have been many.
My one experience of reciprocated feelings from an LO became my first long-term relationship, and this was fraught with difficulties because the limerence faded after a few weeks and I was left to grapple with the imperfect relationship that remained. The only person I felt no limerent feelings for is my wife. I didn't spend months or years viewing her from afar or actively pursuing her. It was a swift and mutual falling in love, with shared and clear feelings of joyousness and intimacy.
There was no obsessiveness, paranoia or self-loathing. We have been together for almost ten years now - five of those married - and this current limerence is my only one during this time. I know the only way to end it is to leave my job, and take the path of complete severance. I realised this a few years ago and only now am I in the position to do it.
I keep putting obstacles in the way - quitting a job is not done lightly - but pretty soon I should be free of this burden of limerence. I doubt it, but maybe. Wish me luck. I do hope this article helps your research Brittany, and anyone else who is experiencing something similar. Hi LOs who are colleagues and bosses are a limerent's nightmare. The general conclusion reached by the more experienced limerents on the Limerence Experienced tribe page is that limerence is all about yourself.
I think this is especially true in your case. The first step I always say for serial limerents is: Is there a pattern with LOs? Usually there is and understanding that always helps a bit.
All the best with any future limerence you have. I hope you find something that helps with your limerence, or at least where it's more bearable and easier to handle so you don't need to switch jobs every time limerence pops up in the workplace. I know how difficult that is, considering how most people spend the most time at work, which can be a breeding ground for romantic feelings for colleagues. Good luck with your job change, I really do hope it helps with your limerence.
The author creates a fictional account of a mental illness called de Clerembault's Syndrome, in which an obsessive person will read signs into words or actions made by the object of the obsession.
This sounds very much like limerence, although the character turns out to be psychopathic - so perhaps not the most sympathetic account f limerence! On a separate note Brittany, have you examined the distinction between the emotions experienced in unrequited love, or relationship break-ups, and limerence? Keep up the good work. I'll check into it more as I continue with my revision of this article! It sounds pretty interesting considering how McEwan came up with his own word for it.
Mayhaps he was limerent before? I've touched the surface and the reasoning for that is because it's so The lines are really blurry it seems like. Some say unrequited love is limerence, and that limerence is unrequited love.
And while I do think they share a lot of similarities, I think limerence has too broad of a spectrum of emotions to just be classified as unrequited love. Besides, not all limerence is unrequited. Limerence is very difficult, and frustrating at times, because of all the variations. Maybe one day I'll dig deeper down into it, but for now I think it's a big undertaking. Dear Bittany, thank you ;- I'm 47 years old and limerent.
I recently had an affair with an old friend who is also limerent. I didn't know at the time that I was limerent, it was driving me insane when we stopped seeing each other. We both felt as though we had gone "cold turkey" or that we had a lost someone out of our lives. She was able to transfer her limerence on to a new guy pretty quickly but never told me. So while I was going cold turkey she had already moved on. I found myself getting aggressive and conniving because we spent less and less time together.
I was very angry and wanted to do lots of very serious damage to her reputation but then I read your article and understood what was happening to me.
I have now stopped being so aggressive and I am focussing on educating people on the subject. I'm now getting my life back together but I felt that I needed to thank someone- so thanks.
Tino, Honestly, I'm happy to here that my article has helped you with understanding your behavior. That's a huge compliment to me. I'm sure it's helped you understand her more too. I'd also like to thank you for spreading the word on the subject. Recognition and acknowledgement of limerence is always good.
Thank you so much for this article. I'm surprised you are only 15 because this article was beautifully written. It clearly described limerence, something that I now know I have been going through since 7th grade.
All of my crushes and feelings are love and fate have all been cause of limerence. All my past relationship failures all make sense now. I wasted two years in high school, my junior and senior year, on a guy I thought I was meant to be because I saw him at the airport once while I was in middle school. I spent those two years thinking we were going to end up together eventually.
This hope and belief in fate was caused by my limerence. I have always thought of myself as a hopeless romantic who had commitment issues which contradicts itself but now I realize it was just that I'm a limerent. Someone who needs to get a high from interacting with someone. I've always wondered why I would push someone away once they reciprocated feelings for me.
I now know it was because I was no longer limerent and no longer felt that "high" or good feeling or that I had high expectations and I was let down. Now that I know exactly what my problem is, I hope I can build an actual healthy relationship with someone. That sounds tricky, and certainly a tough realization to take in. If you find any methods or tips to help you with your limerence, please let me know!
Best of luck with handling your limerence. You've taken the first step, and that's a tremendous accomplishment. Limerance is very hard to "figure out" because of the way it keeps itself "alive" within it's hosts body and soul, always changing, always elusive, so easy to feel it's effects I have suffered it's effects for over 40 years My conclusion after many years of experience is that we end up falling "in love" and desiring the Limerance That is why if the LO ever was attained your Limerence would fade and in fact you might even end up losing total interest in your LO and move on to some other LO.
I completely agree with the limerence keeping itself alive. Limerence if anything is self-sustaining. It doesn't require much to be alive and kicking. I also mostly agree with the idea of falling in love with limerence, and not the LO. I think it's possible to at least partly fall in love with the LO. Obviously LO has flaws that limerents don't usually see, but there's also positive traits that are actually there that even non-limerents can fall in love with.
While a large chunk of limerents do end up losing interest if there is reciprocation, there is also that other chunk that stay with the LO and lose their limerence. I just don't think it's reported as much because people pass it off as just a natural course of falling in love.
That is the cruel twist of fate with Limerence. You end up crippled inside that is why you can't speak freely and honestly with the LO but somehow you get high from the experience. You also can get very low but that only makes the getting high more intense and enjoyable.
You are a very intelligent and perceptive young lady Brittany Thanks for your great post. Hint: There probably is a cure for limerence but some of us rather not take it for various reasons. Most of the time it's well understood Most of the time I wouldn't change it if I could I can make it all match up I can hold my own I can deal with the situation right down to the bone I can survive and I can endure And I don't even think about her Most of the time.
Most of the time my head is on straight Most of the time I'm strong enough not to hate I don't build up illusion 'til it makes me sick I ain't afraid of confusion no matter how thick I can smile in the face of mankind Don't even remember what her lips felt like on mine Most of the time. Most of the time she ain't even in my mind I wouldn't know her if I saw her She's that far behind Most of the time I can even be sure If she was ever with me Or if I was ever with her Most of the time I'm halfway content Most of the time I know exactly where it went I don't cheat on myself I don't run and hide Hide from the feelings that are buried inside I don't compromise and I don't pretend I don't even care if I ever see her again Most of the time.
My advice is to stay clear of Limerance even though it can give you the highest of highs as well as the lowest lows, which are in fact the two sides of the same coin.
If you feel yourself becoming very attracted to someone let them know ASAP or just walk away Limerance will swallow you up otherwise and you will never escape it's clutches if you are truly Limerant prone. I was a cocaine addict for almost 30 years and Limerant addict for even longer They are very similiar The big difference IMO is Limerence is "worse" since it seems like "true love" when it really is "self love". Many people have tried cocaine and most don't become longterm addicts Many people go through the same experiences as we do when "falling: in love but most don't become Limerant.
We are the "lucky few" I guess LOL My advice would be to try to live a "clean" and honest" life and try to truly love everyone and maybe you can avoid getting hooked on Limerence where all your love is focused soley on yourself. There's a huge amount of parallels between limerents and drug addicts, true. Positivity and honesty is a huge key in taking that step against limerence. It's impressive that you wrote this at You've captured the phenomenon of limerance very well indeed.
Finished products of writing turn out much better when the author is passionate about the subject, which I can fortunately say that I am. Hi, my ex was 'dragged away' by a limerent coworker. It took her all of 3 years to get her object of desire.
Where Adele is concerned, I'm not sure why you feel she is limerent? She has suffered sudden abandonment by the man she loved NOT to get confused with a normal separation. Abandonment is traumatic and the single most hurtful experience that I myself went through and I can relate to every word she writes on the subject.
And no, I am not limerent - although, I admit I had this huge crush on a teacher at the ripe age of 14, right until I was in my late teens. Ever since, I haven't had crazy fantasies about a fantasy future with some guy I don't even know, just imagine things into him. Keep it up. I hope, lots of people affected find it and comment.
BTW: Limerence isn't even a word in my native tongue and not found in dictionaries either. It has happened to me. I am not sure if i would be affected by limerence. I met a guy online dating site who was interested in long term relationship atleast he said so. I took it easy and wasn't interested. But over the next few weeks he won me over with his chivalry.
But then he concluded that i was not good enough for him and just told me to be polite that we could be friends which i know he didn't mean. But then much to his delight i declined. I have been shock ever since sort of. I keep thinking all things that were said by us to each other all good and bad too.
I was not interested in this guy to start with and i still would not take him back even if he comes back.
But i just keep going though all of it again and again. All the emotions. Happy, surprised,confused, sad, angry, frustrated, depressed. Sometimes i just get so desperate i wish it would just stop. I cry in hope for catharsis. But it hasn't worked. They don't know what i am going through. The episode had no physical aspect to it, it was emotional and lasted only few weeks.
But i am in a bad place. I so desperately want it to end. Is this limerence. Abandonment is painful, true. Abandonment can be more painful if it's by the LO. Particularly because of the lyric "I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over". Previously in the song she mentions that she wishes the best for him, and is supposedly happy for him that he has found happiness. If that were true, why would she want to get a reaction like that from him?
It sounds like the selfish love of a limerent. Dust like nobody's watching. Available in more than 20 colors, these luxe, anti-pilling sheets fit mattresses up to 18 inches thick. Thousands of shoppers use the organic serum to battle age spots, dark circles, fine lines and more. The "And Just Like That That's the lowest price on record for these top-rated plugs, which are great for lamps and lots more.
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Do you think happiness should be shared but anger should be suppressed? Sharing your meta-emotional style gives you a common emotional template, a common language. With long-term relationships you should be less concerned with characteristics that reduce the likelihood of conflict and pay more attention to finding someone who has a similar style of dealing with conflict.
Because there is always going to be some. The question is how you deal with those problems. What Gottman has found is that people who have clashing meta-emotional styles, they have a really tough time dealing with conflict. Even minor annoyances tend to become huge fights, because one partner wants to express and the other partner thinks you should hold it in and then all of a sudden it explodes. To learn the 4 most common relationship problems — and how to fix them — click here.
So communication is good. Which leads us to another counterintuitive finding…. According to the scientists, spouses who complain to each other the most, and complain about the least important things, end up having more lasting relationships.
In contrast, couples with high negativity thresholds—they only complain about serious problems—are much more likely to get divorced. In a sense, you can look at complaining and fighting in an intimate relationship as just ways of showing you care. No relationship is trouble-free. To learn how to win every argument, click here.
Infatuation is quick, romantic and easy. He falls in love with her in seconds. He sees her and he just knows. He walks over and starts talking in iambic pentameter. Thinking about soulmates and being obsessed with limerence is very romantic. Her work is filled with all sorts of sad case studies of people who talk about the high and how at a certain point, they realized it was leading them astray.
It was a pure fantasy but it was hard to shake it off. Limerence is chemical fiction. Okay, opposite extreme: what does the research on arranged marriages show? Am I saying you should have an arranged marriage? Chill out. Going into a long-term relationship focused on limerence leads to disappointment.
But people in arranged marriages have no such illusions. And so they work. And so it works. But if you do the work, it pays off over the long haul.
To learn the science behind how to be a good kisser, click here. Okay, lots of talk so far about hard work. Is there a way to be more successful in your career and more successful in your relationship? What does a lot of research say produces success in school and career?
Guess what? It works in relationships, too. Do you want devotion? To learn more about grit from leading expert Angela Duckworth, click here. Duckworth demonstrated the importance of grit in loving relationships by collecting grit scores from 6, middle-aged adults. After analyzing the data, and controlling for the influence of other personality traits and demographic factors, she found that gritty men were 17 percent more likely to stay married.
Relationships are challenging over the long term. So you want someone who has stick-to-itiveness. When I talked to Duckworth about it, her answer was very straightforward. Marriage has plenty of trying situations. It lasts because we can make it last, because we keep putting in the work.
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